Self-Love Manifesto

Self-Love Manifesto
Click on image to see enlarged version.

I believe in the power of self-love.

Because EVERYTHING begins with the relationship we have with ourselves. And when that relationship is rooted in uncompromising love, there are no limits to what we can accomplish.

Self-Love is the ability to see your own value as a human being.

Self-Love encourages you to set healthy relationship boundaries that prevent other people from treating you badly. And it’s through self-love that we can stop sabotaging ourselves. Self-love is believing in your own worthiness enough to say what you need and go after what you really want.

But most of all, self-love is believing in your yourself enough to get up and keep living after each fall.  After each disappointment.

And I know all about falling. Believe me.

My mission is to teach as many women as I can how to love themselves no matter how many times they have fallen. I want more women to understand that they are valuable and worthy just as they are right now and that they do not need any source of validation in order to “achieve” worthiness.

Below is my self-love manifesto. Please download it and share it with whomever you like. These 10 statements are the basis of my self-love practice. I try to practice each of these statements everyday in real time. And as all things, it’s a practice. Some days are easier than others. But this is my foundation.

The Abundant Life Practice Self-Love Manifesto:

  1. I am enough just as I am. I don’t have to do anything to make myself “worthy.” I am my own source of validation.

  2. I have many things to be thankful for. So I begin each day with a grateful heart.

  3. I make mistakes often. This is how I know I am alive and willing to try new things. There is no other way to grow. Life is all about growth.

  4. I have wonderful gifts to share with others.

  5. I give myself permission to let go of everything that gets in the way of loving myself.

  6. I must always put myself first. I understand that I cannot give anything to anybody if I don’t first give to myself.

  7. I don’t take the actions, words or beliefs of others personally. Because what other people think, do and say is always about them, not me.

  8. I forgive myself and others easily. This is how I let go of the past.

  9. I stay away from people with bad intentions. This is how I protect my precious time, energy, and spirit from being wasted and devalued.

  10. I practice a habit of self-care that honors all the parts of me—physical, mental, spiritual, and emotional.

If self-love is difficult for you, I encourage you to adopt the Self-Love Manifesto and practice it until self-love becomes easier. You can also sign up to take the 7-Day Self-Love Challenge.

The Backlash from ‘Formation’ and What It Means for Black Women’s Mental Health

Beyonce Formation

Everyone knows how much I loves me some Beyonce.

So last week when she dropped a unexpected new single with a video, performed in front of the whole country during the superbowl half-time show, AND announced a tour that would be coming to Chicago all within a matter of 48 hours I was in awe.  It was all so… well… Beyonce.

Beyonce literally changes the game every single time she drops new music. And it is wonderful to witness.

On top of all this Beyonce magic, the song itself seems like it’s on par to become a Black girl’s national anthem. “I like my baby hair with baby hair and afros”….. ” I like my negro nose with Jackson 5 nostrils.” She said these lines surrounded by images of a drowning post-Hurricane Katrina New Orleans, Black Lives Matter movement imagery, and Black cultural tradition symbolism.

beyoncecopcar

I immediately recognized “Formation” as Beyonce’s personal protest anthem: the media has not been very kind to Blue Ivy’s natural hair or Jay-Z’s wide nose and full lips. And American political systems historically have dehumanized and devalued black lives. Here was Beyonce, I admit unexpectedly, taking a stand against this hatred of her family and her community.

And to add gas to the fire of Beyonce’s protest song, the Super Bowl’s 50th anniversary happily coincided with the 5oth anniversary of one of the most revolutionary Black protest movements in recent history–The Black Panther Party. So Beyonce used her platform to pay homage to the Black Panthers by dressing up in the black leather, black berets, and afros that were the uniform of the Black Panther Party and perform her protest anthem during Black History Month at that.

black panthers

But the backlash to this celebration of self has been swift by people all too eager to ignore the demands of respect.

A politician in Canada has publicly considered banning Beyonce from entering Canada. The UK has banned her song and video from the radio and television. Rudolph Guiliani dismissed her performance as anti-police, unprofessional and disrespectful. And other’s derided it as divisive and evidence of “cultural decay,” whatever that means.

Beyonce’s response? A simple, “I wanted people to feel proud and have love for themselves.”

But how does wanting people to feel good about themselves get interpreted and vilified as a political controversy worthy of being banned?

The answer: Very easily if you’re a Black woman.

To be a Black woman is a beautiful thing. But it also means that you are constantly mocked, under-appreciated, and copied without recognition by mainstream society. You are a caricature. You are told that you are too dark, too big, too loud, too bossy, too domineering. You are told you that you should be more like other women. You are told that we should be loyal to others, but not to expect loyalty in return.

And all of these messages serve to make us feel less than. When little black toddlers are misaligned in the media for having “too nappy hair” and being “ugly” physical features, we know the world devalues us very early. It is psychological warfare and the toll it takes on your mental health is costly.

But if we are to love ourselves– and we absolutely must–we have to know that we are OK just as we are. We cannot alter ourselves enough to make other people appreciate us, nor should we. We know from history that this strategy simply doesn’t work. Those of us who have tried to lighten our skin, surgically alter our bodies and faces, educate ourselves into respectability know that this never compels those that devalue us to see our worth and beauty.

We cannot wait for other people to “get” us because they never will.  We must be ourselves right now.

To me this is the lesson to take away from Beyonce’s “Formation.” Name and claim your worth.  Know your worth despite what others say.  Celebrate and appreciate yourself. Even those things that you have been taught to be ashamed of.

We have to continue to create environments, cultural products and perspectives, and support systems that validate ourselves and our work.  This is how we protect and promote our mental health.We create healthy, inclusive, and affirmative spaces to protect us from the onslaught of mainstream media and values.

This is our task and no one will do it for us.